Hello all who are still reading!
First let me say I kind of failed at the whole blogging thing. I started strong and then it seemed life happened and I moved away from writing it down. I want to say thank you for all the letters, packages, emails, and thoughts. I don't think letters have ever been so exciting. Many were reread, shared and all of them were saved and brought back to America with me. Thank you for all that posted blogs for me! I am so thankful I had such a supportive network here. It was a big two years for y'all with engagements, weddings, kids, family loses, adventures, and funny daily stories that make life amazing. Thank you for sharing them and seeing that I was still connected to them even though I was half a world away. And thank you for putting up with all the stories about Zambia stateside. I feel like everyday the phrase "in Zambia..." comes out of my mouth and I don't think they are stopping anytime soon so thanks for patience and interest; both feigned and genuine.
You might think its weird that I choose now to write another post but I feel like I can finally reflect a bit on my experience. Plus the education group that came the year after me and I helped trained just had their close of service conference. They are headed back to their villages and communities, passing off their projects, and saying goodbye. I can't believe its already time for it to all happen again. I can't really believe I've not only left but have been home for over 6 months. So it got me thinking...
The two questions people ask now that I'm back are; "How was it?" and "Did you love it?". And while the full answers to those questions will take years to fully realize and explain, I can say for the record it was truly amazing and I loved it all. I would often find myself saying I can't believe this is my life. While there were hard days and moments, there was never a day I wanted it to be over or come back. I left sad to leave, a little bit heart broken but knowing that chapter was done and I was coming home. Well I was partially right. A chapter might be done but the journey continues and home is slowing starting to feel like a place spreading across the globe. I thought about trying to recap my last year of service for you seeing as this was supposed to be a blog about my time in Zambia. But nothing really ever turns out the way you intend it to and often that slow shift and change makes things more valuable. So lets see what happens.
Over the last few months I have been trying to figure out what it all meant and what it means my next big step is. I have always walked into my adult life with set time breaks and experiences. college 4 years: goal-graduate and do the whole college thing. portland no more than 2 years: goal-support myself, learn a new city, and make sure peace corps was what I still wanted. and it was so Zambia 27 months: goal-be apart of as much as I could and help along the way. But now here I stand with no time limits, many goals in life, and difficult decisions to make. My time in Zambia gave me more confidence as a person but has made me realize how complicated and layers our world is which in turn as made me an even more indecisive person. (i know- who knew that was possible) My heart is pulled in two directions. I go back and forth between my ideological self "a person can add value and change to the world" and my now slightly jaded self "it was an amazing experience but we can't change whats happening". I question what change I made while in my community and if that change was good. I feel I probably got the better end out of the exchange. I wonder could I have done more? Did I loose part of myself as an artist and musician by stepping away for so long? Is the expat life the one I want? Or is teaching what still makes me happy? And can I combine all the worlds and I lives I want?
I know the problems of a privileged white girl. So I'll stop spinning and making you listen or more read any more of it. What will come out of all the indecision is yet to be seen but I'll keep you posted. For now I am only trusting the direction my heart is telling me to go. Which is first BACK TO ZAMBIA! and the adventure continues...
A few months ago my friend Ellyn (fellow returned peace corps volunteer) and I were talking on the phone and were both struggling with many of the same questions and one thing seemed to be so true. We both knew we had to go back to Zambia soon and had the next project in mind. Ellyn worked with this amazing special needs school in Northern Zambia and was now back still thinking about a physical therapy and fine motor skills training she had been planning and writing a manual for but never got to do. I was wishing I had included more music and art into my teaching time and was dying to get back and do another project with kids. We pulled in our other friend Ashley to help us merge these thoughts and make it actually happen. So now we have this awesome four day workshop involving bringing art and painting a mural into physical therapy and fine motor skills. As three broke ex-volunteers needless to say funding is going to be a problem but we're working on it. We are looking at different grants and ways to raise money so stay tuned!
I always feel a bit egotistical when writing a blog so thanks for sticking with me and indulging my thought process. Sorry this is a long one but its been awhile. I hope you'll continue to follow my journey. I'm starting the blog back up and hopefully we can make this project come to life! Enough about me how are you?! I'd love to hear how life is looking for you
Love to you all-Mutende Mwane (peace to you)
Stevie
First let me say I kind of failed at the whole blogging thing. I started strong and then it seemed life happened and I moved away from writing it down. I want to say thank you for all the letters, packages, emails, and thoughts. I don't think letters have ever been so exciting. Many were reread, shared and all of them were saved and brought back to America with me. Thank you for all that posted blogs for me! I am so thankful I had such a supportive network here. It was a big two years for y'all with engagements, weddings, kids, family loses, adventures, and funny daily stories that make life amazing. Thank you for sharing them and seeing that I was still connected to them even though I was half a world away. And thank you for putting up with all the stories about Zambia stateside. I feel like everyday the phrase "in Zambia..." comes out of my mouth and I don't think they are stopping anytime soon so thanks for patience and interest; both feigned and genuine.
You might think its weird that I choose now to write another post but I feel like I can finally reflect a bit on my experience. Plus the education group that came the year after me and I helped trained just had their close of service conference. They are headed back to their villages and communities, passing off their projects, and saying goodbye. I can't believe its already time for it to all happen again. I can't really believe I've not only left but have been home for over 6 months. So it got me thinking...
The two questions people ask now that I'm back are; "How was it?" and "Did you love it?". And while the full answers to those questions will take years to fully realize and explain, I can say for the record it was truly amazing and I loved it all. I would often find myself saying I can't believe this is my life. While there were hard days and moments, there was never a day I wanted it to be over or come back. I left sad to leave, a little bit heart broken but knowing that chapter was done and I was coming home. Well I was partially right. A chapter might be done but the journey continues and home is slowing starting to feel like a place spreading across the globe. I thought about trying to recap my last year of service for you seeing as this was supposed to be a blog about my time in Zambia. But nothing really ever turns out the way you intend it to and often that slow shift and change makes things more valuable. So lets see what happens.
Over the last few months I have been trying to figure out what it all meant and what it means my next big step is. I have always walked into my adult life with set time breaks and experiences. college 4 years: goal-graduate and do the whole college thing. portland no more than 2 years: goal-support myself, learn a new city, and make sure peace corps was what I still wanted. and it was so Zambia 27 months: goal-be apart of as much as I could and help along the way. But now here I stand with no time limits, many goals in life, and difficult decisions to make. My time in Zambia gave me more confidence as a person but has made me realize how complicated and layers our world is which in turn as made me an even more indecisive person. (i know- who knew that was possible) My heart is pulled in two directions. I go back and forth between my ideological self "a person can add value and change to the world" and my now slightly jaded self "it was an amazing experience but we can't change whats happening". I question what change I made while in my community and if that change was good. I feel I probably got the better end out of the exchange. I wonder could I have done more? Did I loose part of myself as an artist and musician by stepping away for so long? Is the expat life the one I want? Or is teaching what still makes me happy? And can I combine all the worlds and I lives I want?
I know the problems of a privileged white girl. So I'll stop spinning and making you listen or more read any more of it. What will come out of all the indecision is yet to be seen but I'll keep you posted. For now I am only trusting the direction my heart is telling me to go. Which is first BACK TO ZAMBIA! and the adventure continues...
A few months ago my friend Ellyn (fellow returned peace corps volunteer) and I were talking on the phone and were both struggling with many of the same questions and one thing seemed to be so true. We both knew we had to go back to Zambia soon and had the next project in mind. Ellyn worked with this amazing special needs school in Northern Zambia and was now back still thinking about a physical therapy and fine motor skills training she had been planning and writing a manual for but never got to do. I was wishing I had included more music and art into my teaching time and was dying to get back and do another project with kids. We pulled in our other friend Ashley to help us merge these thoughts and make it actually happen. So now we have this awesome four day workshop involving bringing art and painting a mural into physical therapy and fine motor skills. As three broke ex-volunteers needless to say funding is going to be a problem but we're working on it. We are looking at different grants and ways to raise money so stay tuned!
I always feel a bit egotistical when writing a blog so thanks for sticking with me and indulging my thought process. Sorry this is a long one but its been awhile. I hope you'll continue to follow my journey. I'm starting the blog back up and hopefully we can make this project come to life! Enough about me how are you?! I'd love to hear how life is looking for you
Love to you all-Mutende Mwane (peace to you)
Stevie
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